on resisting thoughts
90 minutes before bed, watching a movie.
I could update my website and finish the movie after.
I resist the urge to get up. It's too late for coding.
But I could squeeze it in. 45 minutes coding, 30 minutes to finish the movie, time to spare!.
Images of code play in my mind.
I resist the urge to get up.
Promises of progress play on repeat.
I resist the urge to get up.
More thoughts, barreling, uncontrollably.
I resist the urge to get up.
They're wearing me down, I'm gonna get up.
I see my desire to resist. I respect it.
But resisting the urge to get up is not enough.
I must resist the thoughts.
For if I let them play, I will get up.