attachment to feelings
I've been less attached to my feelings lately. I've been better at accepting them, at seeing them, at feeling them, and being honest about them.
But I've been less attached to them. I'm not identifying with them as much, not doing what they want as much.
I actually stepped back from "doing what they want" quite some time ago. I get really worked up about things that are a little frustrating. And that can make me act like an asshole.
So, when I'm worked up - when I've been ruminating - I vent to one of my best friends. One of whom I send voice messages to frequently. (love you! And love all of you! none of you will see this lol)
And I don't go to the person that I'm upset at.
Once I've gotten so worked up, it is really hard to come back to a reasonable place about it soon enough to make communicating about it reasonable. Like if somebody says something I don't like, and I ruminate about it for 3 days, then finally calm down, like it kinda feels too late to address it. And I don't want to put the 3 days of rumination on them.
But I don't really know how to blame them for frustrating me slightly in the moment, but not blame them for every unhealthy thing my brain did after that. So my view gets muddy, and I don't know how to possibly approach it. Eventually I move on. (and recently, I'm exploring forgiveness!)
It's when I get upset, see the feelings, and then make a decision about what to do with them, without getting worked up about it, that I tend to like the outcome of saying something.
Like yes I'm sad that you broke my vase, but I'm not mad at you for making me sad.
So maybe it's not "attachment", but that's what I've been calling it recently. Like I see the sad, I acknowledge it, but I don't cling onto it or demand retribution for it, or typically need to vent the last couple weeks.
Though, I was having a shit day a couple days ago, and had some big frustrations to vent about. That got me in a venting mood, I was worked up, and I also vented about a couple minor disappointments or frustrations too. Those ones felt BIG at the time I was worked up. And I did care about them. But I didn't need to vent about them until I was already worked up and my brain was throwing this shit at me lie "HEY DO YOU SEE THIS THING YOU SHOULD BE MAD ABOUT". Yeah, I see it. But I'm trying not to be attached to it anymore.