because humans
Why do I wanna do things?
I watched a video about unsolved geometry problems. Nerdy math shit. One of them seemed approachable for someone who took a calculus class at community college and has always loved math, and been pretty good at it. (me)
So a spark lights in me and I want to work on it. Something about fitting shapes inside of shapes. Some purely theoretical problem that definitely doesn't matter in day-to-day life, but might maybe have some impact on some niche engineering or physics shit.
I don't know. I'm saying it doesn't matter, and I know it doesn't matter.
But there's still a SPARK in me.
It sounds fun to work on, and it feels important.
I saw the problem in a Youtube video, and I believe the creator when he talks about math nerds from a hundred years ago doing math and coming up with the problem. He gave the impression that lots of smart math people have tried to come up with solutions to this (and the other) problems in this video.
It would be cool as fuck to solve that problem myself. (I wonder if anybody minds my cursing? I almost wrote "It would be so cool" but "cool as fuck" was honestly just more accurate. Cool as 0 degrees kelvin? Cool as ice? Cool as fuck is right.)
So basically, I think it would be cool to solve a problem nobody else could solve. I would feel smart. I might get recognition. I'd get to work on an interesting math problem.
But if nobody had worked on this problem, it would not be interesting to me.
And I'm realizing my need for community recently - being able to share my Trackmania maps makes building them feel rewarding; even if it's just a few players, they experienced my art, my creation.
I want to play piano, but I have no community around it.
I blog, and I read other people's blogs on bear sometimes. I feel like there's some community here.
I write Letters to the Editor to my local paper, specifically to communicate ideas or concerns I have to my local community.
I think I need to lean into this community idea, look at things in my life I want to work on, and look into how I can use community to excite and observe and support me.