grace (first draft)
When one of my loved ones is criticized or judged, I often advocate for them to be given grace. It's not that their actions were necessarily good, but that compassion and understanding should be extended to them nonetheless. In standing up for my loved ones, and advocating for this compassion, I often get upset with the person who's doing the criticizing.
But they deserve grace too. Their feelings were hurt by something my loved-one did. I'd like them to give grace, but they also deserve grace. And I too deserve grace, for getting upset, for getting defensive, and for criticizing the judger.
Let us all give grace to one another and to ourselves. Do not use grace to avoid your feelings, or to skip out on holding someone accountable. Be a person, have feelings, set boundaries, and ask to be treated the way you would like to be treated. But also have compassion and understanding. Realize the person who hurt you is likely hurting too. They come from a complicated life, with a complicated upbringing, in a complicated world. Yes we'd like them to act "better", but we also should try to reserve judgement, and give them grace. We too are products of our biology and our environment, and even if free will exists, it is not absolute. Any good qualities you see in yourself come, at least in part, from luck.