I don't know why I get so upset
My feelings were hurt tonight and I was getting really upset about it.
I couldn't stop thinking about it. I needed to vent. I needed to decide if I would communicate. I replayed it in my head over and over.
I felt like I needed to think about it; like there was something to solve; like I needed to figure it out. What was I figuring out?
I pretty quickly decided to communicate & I almost immediately felt better after I did.
So I probably get so upset because "I replayed it in my head over and over", in part.
I also imagine lots of different ways I could have handled things - like stuff I could have said in the moment.
And I'm extremely reluctant to communicate. I get so worked up so quickly ... I've been a real asshole in the past because of communicating while so worked up.
So it's partially a way to respect other people & not treat them badly.
And there's lots of anxiety, which may come from that or many other things.
What would happen if I had the same thoughts, but no anxiety? What power, then, would they have?
I'm not mad at anybody, or really even upset with anybody. I think my feelings were hurt in the normal course of being a person, and it's not that big of a deal. Yet my mind makes it seem like a really big deal.
This happens to me extremely often. Usually I can manage it & calm down & move on. It's hard to tell when I should communicate, when I should vent, or how to move on from these things at all.
I just got a care coordinator through my insurance, so I'm getting help to find a therapist again. (Lifestance Health bought out Psychology Specialists and then kicked all their medicaid patients. They did an IPO, intending to use funds to repay over $300 MILLION in debt. See their SEC filing.)