I shrank two inches this year
I'm 32. I was 6 feet (or mb 5'11") a year ago at my annual checkup.
This time, I was 5'10.
I've been vitamin D deficient for a couple years, maybe longer, and I'm not very good at taking my daily supplement.
I live with sever mental illness, and lots of physical pain - knees, buttocks, hips, low back, wrists.
I spend too much time inside and sitting - still working on that.
For awhile, I've sold blood plasma about 4 times a month to make about $200 so I can afford weed, gas, eating out once a weekish, web-hosting, domain name renewals, internet at home, and my cell phone.
I can't do this anymore. Selling plasma has been horrible for my mental for quite some time - I feel like shit day-of and day-after. I have to take it easy day-before so my anxiety is low and I don't have a panic attack day-of.
So selling plasma regularly was a major barrier to me taking care of myself and being able to manage stress and other challenges of life, like dishes piling up.
I can't sell plasma any more. Shrinking 1.5 inches was a wake-up call for me. I wish I'd taken my illness seriously much sooner.
I applied for disability monies a week or two ago. This has been the first year that I've actually accepted how ill I am, how much I struggle to exist, to function in life, to take care of myself.
For the last few years, I've been able to power through the illness and be somewhat productive - I worked 10-25 hours a week on journalism and programming. That was during good weeks anyway.
But this pushing-through meant I would have frequent burnouts, often followed by manic episodes, and I wasn't taking caring of myself. I wasn't exercising or eating healthy or socializing enough or maintaining household cleanliness.
I also didn't make any money ($20 some months) doing this work.
I'm incredibly grateful that I'm poor enough to have health care provided to me by taxpayers, and that I have a primary care doctor (nurse practitioner) that I've been seeing for several years.
She's patient with me, listens to my LONG list of concerns, and talks to me about my issues.
I have to quit smoking weed, because I can't do enough odd-job work to support that habit anymore. It's gonna be miserable for 3-6 weeks while I'm quitting. But it'll probably be good for my health in the long-term.
And most of all, not selling plasma anymore will give me the space to take better care of myself and maybe start healing.
It's only been 4 days since my appointment, but I'm eating healthier, taking my Vitamin D before I brew my coffee, and soon I will have a gym membership provided by my health insurance plan, which will be crucial for improving my physical wellness.
If you're reading this, please take your needs seriously. Please try to accept any health issues you have as being real and in-need of attention. You matter. Don't wait until you shrink two inches or have some major health event to realize that maintaining your health is important.
Also, I have to give up my dream of keeping-up-appearances. I'm dirt poor and I can't participate in society like most other people. And I need to stop trying to look like I'm "normal" in that way. Trying to afford "normal" societal activities means over-working myself and not focusing on the healing I need.
Oh, and: Ask for help!
And and: Don't make it too hard on yourself. I've been mixing little bits of canned spinach into my ramen and into my spaghetti - I don't even taste it, it looks fancier, and it's plants. I also bought pre-cut and pre-washed broccoli florets. And I'm eating trail mix + banana for lunch. Also, 3 florets in my ramen was really good.
I used to hold myself to too-high standards for healthy food, like I NEED TO CUT MY OWN PRODUCE. But then I'd let myself eat tons of pre-cooked and processed and frozen dinner entrees. Like bro, chill. You can buy pre-cut broccoli.