Re: on writing about my mental health on Bear
on writing about my mental health on Bear | tala's blog
What is there to be ashamed of?
Sometimes mental illness makes me do shitty things (compulsive bad behavior or neglecting loved ones). But blogging about it? Nothing shameful, except other people might see where you fell short.
I fear judgement. I fear people won't believe that my illness is real. There's a big part of me that says "Nah, you're not ill, you're just lazy". And blogging about my mental illness sometimes feels like a lie I'm telling myself to justify a fairly easy lifestyle.
But that's, at least in part, the depression trying to beat me down. I have to remind myself often how real the illness is. All the days I have mental breakdowns, all the times I push & do productive stuff & how much I struggle to exist afterward.
Why would someone perceive me as a negative person if I am merely sharing the state of my mental health? Is it societal conditioning - from friends who deemed my depression as strange and impassive parents who avoided emotion?
Maybe, but it's probably your depression. Depression tells me such a negative story of myself, and makes it FEEL TRUE.
How are you navigating the difficult times in your life?
I'm trying to balance taking care of myself with small improvements in my quality of life. Reducing depression, anxiety, and suicidality is my priority, so I don't push myself that much. But I push when I can to clean up my room, to sort my adult responsibilities, get my health care in order.
Today, I blogged and reflected on my need for help, and my struggles in believing that it's okay to ask for help.