sometimes i just wanna be sad
a friendquaintance died today. he was a sweet man, a light in the world.
I didn't know him super well, but we ate a few group dinners together and chatted at some length. His wife is lovely too.
I learned yesterday that he was in hospital, and it didn't look good.
I was busy when i found out an hour ago, and I've just hit the downtime for it to start processing. Not knowing what to do with myself, I scroll bearblog and see a post
Specific things that bring me joy
and think "Oh yeah i should open myself up to some joy"
BUT I DONT WANT TO BE JOYFUL RIGHT NOW. Been numb to it the last 24 hours.
I just wanna be fucking sad for my friend, for his family, and for the world. It's fucking bullshit and I'm so sick of death. And everytime a person or pet dies i just fear for when it'll be me or one of my closest loved ones.
RIP friend. I hope there's an afterlife and you get to live in it joyfully. I hope your family has love and support. It's not fair.