stressful conflict
I'll be vague. I had a disagreement with someone tonight. And it was pretty stressful during. But the aftermath for me ... is so much worse.
The replaying of things I said, things they said, things I could have said better, things I forgot to say, one thing I said wrong.
It's an important issue, and I'm quite sure I'm right. I don't know how its going to play out. And ultimately, it's not my decision. I just get to advocate.
Advocate advocate advocate, while someone else holds the power.
This is a recurring struggle in my life. I advocate a lot. Sometimes, I'm successful. Once, I got a co-ed housing ban overturned because I advocated. Another time, I got a discrimination complaint denied because I didn't have the energy and wellness to appeal the misguided conclusion.
I've had other successes, and other failures. The failures eat at me. I need to do more. Advocate better. Advocate louder.
But I have to let some things go, because I'm not well enough to go after every issue I want to, even when going after those issues is right.
And this issue - I just have to wait and see how it plays out. I advocate again a month from now, and we'll see what the final result is. It won't (shouldn't) be for 2-3 months before its actually done, but next month will be pivotal.
But how do I settle down? How do I get the arguments out of my head? How do I stop mulling it over, again and again and again and again and again?
and again