ReedyBear's Blog

What's really the divide on trans issues?

It all boils down to beliefs, in the end, and how each of us prioritizes different factors around sex and gender.

For bathrooms, how much does each of these factors matter to me?

We DO have sex/gender segregated bathrooms. A 4-year old has a penis or vagina and likely won't have much of a gender identity, so should go in the relevant bathroom. But if Mom is going into women's with her 4 year old son, that should be okay.

But that 4 year old might realize she's a trans girl after puberty, and then she should be able to use the women's restroom.

(Intersex people are not the topic of this post, but should be mentioned because sex-biology is not binary or simple).

Pronouns

If somebody looks like a woman, I'll typically use she/her. If he tells me he's a boy, I'll use he/him. If they're a baby, it'll just depend on what they're assigned at birth based on genitalia.

Sports

(Don't focus too much on my specific percentages, they're guesses kind of lol)

Idk, this one's complicated. I'm 100% in support of trans people participating in gendered sports. Sports leagues already have their own rules, and have had them for decades in some cases. I don't want state or federal governments to over-regulate this. I don't think school children should be banned from sports.

But I do think there's a genuine concern around fairness and if trans women sometimes have a biological advantage over cis women.

A trans boy won state wrestling championships for girls, and that sucks. He wanted to compete with the boys, because he's a boy & he was on testosterone. In other cases, a trans girl or woman wins at girls/women's competitions, and I'm not sure that's fair either. I know medical transitioning eliminates some of the male-bodied advantages, but I doubt it eliminates all of them.

But excluding trans girls and women from girls/women's sports ALSO isn't fair. And I care more about inclusion than competition. So I'm gonna err on the side of letting trans girls & women play in girls'/women's sports.

I'm not gonna pretend it's a simple issue that I feel entirely comfortable about though. I don't think there's a good or easy answer here, and it might depend on the sport.

Conclusion

It really just comes down to beliefs, personal values, priorities. Knowledge certainly plays into that - I don't know enough about biology and medical transitions to feel confident in my opinion on sports.

For me, my beliefs changed because ... I learned, I met trans people, listened to commentary, read articles, watched a documentary, and have reflected a lot.

(And I'm nonbinary, so my personal journey plays a role too)

I think we should continue expanding and protecting trans rights. I also think we should be listening to and trying to understand where people are coming from when they aren't in line with us.

Don't listen to the talking heads. Fuck those people. But do listen to your neighbors, your family members, your friends & coworkers. I bet most of them are not hateful. I bet most of them have genuine concerns that they prioritize differently than you prioritize yours.

You probably care about fairness in sports, and probably not a fan of steroids or other forms of cheating. You probably don't want men in women's restrooms, even if you support trans women using women's restrooms.

Some people are hateful. I think a lot of people don't understand trans people and trans issues. And I think most people have genuine values that are not rooted in hate, even when they're wrong & hate is the outcome.

I was once super pro-life. I argued with friends, listened to them, thought about it a lot, learned, and I changed my mind. Abortion is sad to me, and if I could get pregnant I would not want to have an abortion. But that's my value, for my life, and my imaginary female body. Everybody else gets to have their own values around abortion & make their own choices. So I'm 100% pro-choice, even if I have some pro-life feelings.

(If I got someone pregnant, I'd like to be involved in discussing abortion vs. birth but ultimately it would be up to the pregnant person. This is a conversation better had before having sex, ESPECIALLY if you don't use protection. Like if you're a staunch pro-lifer, don't fuck somebody who would have an abortion.)

Don't worry about the loudest and worst people. Focus on your life, your loved ones, people you care about. Do what you can in your corner of the world. Try not to worry about the terrible shit you have no control over.

(though also some people should run for office or do talking head commentary and care about that bigger shit. But most of us are just living our lives & shouldn't sacrifice ourselves or our communities or our loved ones in order to stress about shit outside our corner.)

#politics