ReedyBear's Blog

What's the point of getting better at chess?

What's the point of anything?

Quality of life & survival.

We could fuss about whether those really matter at all, but they matter to me. They're the baseline of purpose (for me).

And I care about quality of life & survival for myself, for my loved ones, for my neighbors, for strangers, for my cats, and to some extent - for other life that is nonhuman.

So does getting better at chess help with quality of life or survival?

Survival first - No. I'm not going to be a chess streamer or a grandmaster winning tournaments, or do anything economic with chess. Therefore, it's not going to feed me. I guess the social/community aspect could aid in finding me a mate, but ... no. Not doing it for that.

Quality of life - This one is trickier, because ... well ... I am a messy complicated human. I have fun playing chess. But do I have fun sitting down to study chess? Does it improve my mental abilities? Does it give me practice in discipline? I.e. Does it cause improvements to my brain/mind that could bleed over into benefiting other parts of my life? Also, fun is not the only positive experience.

So maybe I could get better at chess (set aside time to study) because it is rewarding to see myself improve at something, or in hopes of secondary benefits of a disciplined intellectual practice/study.

So maybe it could improve my quality of life.

But on the other hand ... I have a very limited amount of mental/emotional energy. I fear if I put that energy into getting better at chess, then I will be less able to take care of myself - to cook, keep up on groceries, clean, see friends, etc.

Is that fear right? I don't know, but I think so. I haven't pushed myself very hard in a very long time. Last time I made a habit of pushing myself, it made me depressed, unstable, and suicidal. But maybe baby steps.

But then again - I am already pushing myself to go to the gym twice a week, to see friends, to get up and move, to read, to cook, to make healthier choices at the grocery store.

Blah blah blah. Maybe I can sit down to study chess just because I wanna. Just cuz I feel like it. There doesn't have to be a point.

Well I kind of want to, but I don't feel like it. So I'm gonna go be an oil barron (in Turmoil, the free game on Epic Games this week).

#blog