I met a man named Ray. He mumbled so bad, I could barely understand him. He seemed like a kind person, spiritual, religious maybe. He spoke of "40 words" (or was it 20?) that were meaningful, impactful, and important.
...
Some of them have been bubbling up for me lately, I think. Forgiveness is important. So is compassion. Love. Kindness.
Were they a foundation for a meaningful life? I'll keep wondering, and I think I'll never know. But maybe I'll work on my own list one day.
So let me start my list of words and what they mean to me. Just one for now.
If my will is to slow the winds or stop the rain, it clearly has no power.
If my will is to go to family Christmas dinner, it has the power.
My will needs support in order to have power.
If it's time for games with Bestie, "one more game" (my will) has power. If it's time for bed, "one more game" is two or three or more, despite my will yapping in my head to the contrary.
I wish to better know my will, and learn what kind of support it needs in order to manifest, as well as when it is misguided.
When one of my loved ones is criticized or judged, I often advocate for them to be given grace. It's not that their actions were necessarily good, but that compassion and understanding should be extended to them nonetheless. In standing up for my loved ones, and advocating for this compassion, I often get upset with the person who's doing the criticizing.
But they deserve grace too. Their feelings were hurt by something my loved-one did. I'd like them to give grace, but they also deserve grace. And I too deserve grace, for getting upset, for getting defensive, and for criticizing the judger.
Let us all give grace to one another and to ourselves. Do not use grace to avoid your feelings, or to skip out on holding someone accountable. Be a person, have feelings, set boundaries, and ask to be treated the way you would like to be treated. But also have compassion and understanding. Realize the person who hurt you is likely hurting too. They come from a complicated life, with a complicated upbringing, in a complicated world. Yes we'd like them to act "better", but we also should try to reserve judgement, and give them grace. We too are products of our biology and our environment, and even if free will exists, it is not absolute. Any good qualities you see in yourself come, at least in part, from luck.
Remember to play and have fun in nearly everything you do. There are times to be serious - when a life is on the line, when you've hurt your friend or partner, when you're at the boring end of an important project.
But most things just aren't that serious. It's okay to lose the game, it's okay to ruin the meal, it's okay to say something dumb. Just try to have fun, enjoy yourself, and play.
Most importantly - play with others, play with animals, bring them in on the fun. Play is for all of us. Life is for play.
To me, humble means recognizing that nothing I accomplish is on my own. Anything I do is built on the shoulders of others. And it goes beyond people. For me to do anything, humans must have already evolved, planets must already have been formed. For me to accomplish, I must learn from others. And when I accomplish, something has been accomplished in the world - it is the world's accomplishment and the world benefits. It does not belong to me.
I can still be proud of my accomplishments and celebrate them. But I would like to be humble as well.
Working through the words
This section will include extended thinking ig
humble
This one's difficult for me. I struggled to be humble as a kid, and I do take credit for and feel pride in my accomplishments. I don't think I boast too much, except in celebration, typically with my best friends.
For me, being humble means recognizing that "my accomplishments" aren't exactly mine. Anything I've done is built upon so many other people's work. There's definitely an aspect of it that is my doing, my action, but generations of people came before me to build a society in which I could accomplish things.
I've written software, which required computers developed over decades, built with materials mined from other parts of the world and flown here on planes piloted by professional people who had to be trained, and wore outfits sewn with technology pioneered hundreds of years ago, and so on. Plus all the people in the world now who taught me and fed me and befriended me and whatnot.
I think we each have our own values, but personally I'd like to celebrate my wins and be grateful for all the support that enabled those wins.
(I have some thoughts on "my" accomplishment belonging to the world, as a perspective that is not egocentric. But I can't find the words for it.)
play
So much of life is serious. Jobs, relationships, education. If you're obsessive like me, then almost everything is serious - which brand I buy, which utensil I use when cooking, what I reheat my food in. Other things are serious depending on your circumstances - how much salt is in your food, whether or not your ringer is turned on.
Sometimes I forget that video games are for playing. I like to compete & it is fun to perform well. But so often in a competitive match, the nearly weightless joy is replaced with an intense need to perform well, to not let my teammates down, to not let my rank fall, to not lose this game.
Nearly everything is better when you work in some play. Not every moment calls for it. If a loved one needs rushed to the hospital, we need to be serious and get it done. But cooking is not so serious, and it's okay if I fuck a meal up. I want cooking to be joyful. I don't want to be too hard on myself if it doesn't go well.
So what is my takeaway with regard to playing? If I wanted to teach a lesson about playing, what would it be?