my sense of self
My sense of self is the will, the intention that lives within me.
It is not the compulsions, emotional reactions, or the pains in my body.
But my worldly self certainly includes these things.
My mom and friends and strangers sense "Reed" in terms of what they do, what they express ... who I present myself as.
There's these moments, often during prayer, where I feel both the connection and the separation with the world.
Where my sense of self falls neatly into this "intent", and I see my body and mind as part of the world, not separate from it.
I recognize that I'm an observer of so much that is beyond me, even within my own behavior.
But I also have some will, some influence, some power, some control, sometimes.
Other times, I'm driven by my thoughts, compulsions, feelings, or environment.
At times, I see that those thoughts are part of the environment, and that my intention, my will, is not grounded in them, but influenced by them.
It's hard to put into words what it feels like when the ego around my body fades away, and my sense of self becomes limited to that of an observer who can only manifest a minuscule part of their will, and my view of my body changes.
My body ceases to be "me", and becomes "the world".
I live in "the world". I am not the curtains on the windows, or the sounds around me. And I am not the body, nor the mind.
Though, this whole consciousness thing is probably just a creation of the mind anyway. But whatever.
Also see: on resisting thoughts