contrast
I've lived with depression/anxiety/whatever for years, many of them untreated. Five or so years ago, I started therapy and have been in it most weeks since then, except for one lapse after getting booted from one office for insurance reasons.
Over the last ~2.5 years, I've done no kind of regular work, and my priority has been on keeping myself balanced and well. Most of that time has required a great deal of leisure, rest, tv, video games, friend time, and support (both material and social). I've also made an effort to exercise more and eat healthier.
I've been on an upward trajectory for awhile, but in the last two or three months there's been a seismic shift in my general sense of wellbeing and my ability to do ... things.
I credit this to the years of work at improving my mental (and recently physical) health. But meditation was a huge step for me in terms of treatment. I asked my therapist about getting social support for meditation & so we started doing a guided one at the end of our sessions.
That translated into me meditating at home, on my own - something I wasn't able to make regular previously. And I can basically see a straight line from meditation to a significant amount of improvement in my wellbeing and ability.
And this newfound wellness has been extremely enlightening. Like I knew I felt bad before, but it's really easy to lose sight of how bad you feel once it becomes your normal. But being able to clean the kitchen without being in pain felt like magic. (psychic pain, like physical but its intangible, not in the body)
And then recently I'm burnt out. I pushed myself past my limits for several weeks now - due mostly to life's very real external demands, things that called for my effort.
It's just a very stark contrast between the good-feeling and the bad-feeling. The normal Reed who's in no pain versus the depressed Reed who's in constant pain. Right now I'm getting an almost pleasant mix of the two, but less of the me who feels good. That other one's more familiar though.
And sadly, the meditation (and also yoga) have not been getting daily attention these past few weeks. And weed has. It's not good, nor is it permanent.