i don't understand forgiveness
like is it a feeling? Is it an absence of feeling? Is it your actions or intentions? Does it remove the need for accountability/resolution?
Like if I forgive someone for breaking my favorite coffee mug. Am I never supposed to think of it again? Do I never feel upset about it again? Do I just keep my mouth shut when I do think of it & get upset? Do I still expect them to replace my mug? Am I supposed to feel the 'forgiveness', like a variation of relief, maybe?
I don't know. I think I do forgive people, quite often, but I just genuinely don't understand what forgiveness actually is, or what experiencing forgiveness actually means.
P.S. I'm working on forgiving myself for some of my past failures, the kind of stuff that pops into my head in bed and fills me with hot anxiety.