If this is a dream
If this is a dream, I don't want to wake up
You ever suddenly become aware that you're dreaming? Something is weird about gravity, or the house your in, or the people you're with. Something just doesn't quite jive with what you know is real. And you become lucid and you know that you're dreaming.
There's a whole world, with hearing and smell, touch and sight. If you look for memories, they're there.
When you wake from a dream and recall it, there are always "dream facts" - things that are true in the dream even if they're not accurate to your real life. Like that person was your dad in the dream, even though they looked like someone else.
Have you ever stopped to think about whether this is a dream? Sure, it hurts if you pinch yourself, if you jump up and down the physics act normal, and there's a slew of memories and a general sense of continuity.
But how do you know these things aren't just dream facts? How do you know that you actually just loaded this blog post and read down to this point? How do you know that you weren't just dropped into this moment with "dream facts" to support the idea that there is continuity and history here.
I don't know that I'm not dreaming. I have a distinct sense that I'm not dreaming, that this is real. But I also have that sense when I'm in a dream, until that sense is disrupted. And there's moments here where that sense is disrupted too - if I think the right thoughths, say the right things to myself. (It also helps if I'm stoned (weed) when I do this)
The idea that this is a dream, and that I could wake up from it kind of scares me. When I was high two nights ago and toying with this idea (not for the first time, I've had this 'dream-theory' for years), I didn't lean in all the way because I was scared I wouldn't come back down from it. (I would have. I would have sobered up and come back down to reality. But I was high and nervous about it, so I didn't lean in too hard.)
But it's scary. Because I've had dreams that I love that I don't want to wake up from, where I'm with a past love of mine or doing something incredibly exciting.
And in this "dream" (reality), I love my friends, I love myself and my family, I enjoy my video games, and the beauty of nature. It's not all perfect, but it's certainly not something I'd like to wake up from. More than anything, the thought of waking in a new world and losing my best friends is crushing.
But when I wake from those dreams I love, after just a couple minutes I'm grounded and glad I didn't fall forever into that dreamland.
What if there is a dreamer who wants desperately to wake up from this dream? A dreamer who might be sad for a couple minutes for what they've lost, but would be grateful to be back in their real life? What if my fear of waking up is keeping them trapped in this (fake to them) world?
Anyway. It's a fun idea to play with. Something I want to meditate on later. I suspect no matter how much I do, I'll keep going to bed here and waking up here and this will keep being my reality. I hope so.