My tooth broke
I'm 33, and age hasn't been the kindest to me, but I take better care of myself lately, so most of my pains have subsided. But, I won't grow back the two inches I lost to osteopenia, caused by a Vitamin D deficiency I failed to treat for years due to poverty and the cost of vitamins (and poor decision making).
Well tonight I was eating chips & salsa and my fucking tooth broke. It's a little bit black inside. Thankfully, it doesn't hurt. But the feel of the inside of my mouth is different and I hate that. It makes me anxious, and I'm obsessing over it & constantly poking it with my tongue.
I was really upset when it happened though.
Idunno. You just expect yourself to be whole, to stay whole. And then part of you breaks, breaks off of you. It's gone & there's no getting it back. Maybe I can get a filling, maybe I'll have another blank spot in my bottom row of teeth. My family might be able to afford getting me an implant, but I probably won't ask that of them.
I wallowed and sulked and complained a bit. It sucks. But the sadness mellowed. And then I've been miserable for the last 2 or so hours because of the anxiety. Some yoga helped with that, and maybe I'll meditate too.
It just fucking sucks though. It's bullshit.
Probably wouldn't have happened if I had regular dental care. Something I could have been more proactive with. BUT ALSO. I live with mental disability, and it had been really bad for years. For YEARS I tried to get a care coordinator through my health insurance (they said they offer it!), and they failed to provide one. FINALLY, after much nagging and repeated phone calls, i was finally assigned one.
Well she was fucking worthless. She literally wouldn't coordinate any care for me. She didn't even try. I asked for a new coordinator and nothing ever came of it.
Medicaid technically covers dental, but the dentist in my area yields only horror stories, people leaving worse off than when they arrived. Nobody else takes medicaid.
I'm sad, and I'm mad, and I'm anxious, and I'm annoyed. But it's also ... okay?
I still have most my teeth. I'm not in pain. I can chew. I am mobile. My mental is better than it has been in years. And I'm alive, dude. We get such long lifespans in our modern world, and I am just so grateful to have made it this far. So grateful that I get to keep going. But mannn some of the bumps along the way are BULLSHIT lol
have a great day, brush your teeth, floss, go to the dentist, invite friends over to hang out, and just take a deep breath and smile sometimes, just cuz you can & it usually feels good. Breathing and smiling is freedom.