on "having" autism
Yesterday, I was listening to a podcast by Doctor Mike about transgender healthcare. It's excellent, and I highly recommend it.
But at one point, they're talking about the relationship between being autistic and being transgender. And the psychiatrist (who counsels transgender youth) uses the phrase
person with autism
...
I think this is supposed to be a thoughtful way of talking about people, of being people-first rather than diagnosis-first.
But iiiiii don't like it.
I don't like this perspective that autism is some kind of disease, that is some illness you "have". I prefer to think of it as, moreso, a different way of being.
I've heard (my view) described as the "social model of autism", and the more traditional understanding as the "medical model of autism".
...
My best friends all think I'm autistic. My therapists haven't. I think its reasonably likely.
I love spending time with friends. I can be quite social. But when I'm having my alone time, I like it to be largely uninterrupted. I don't want to be observed or talked to. I don't want to have to talk when I'm in my alone-time mode. But I cohabitate, so often times I do feel observed, and I do have to be a little "on" socially.
As much as I'd like to just relax about it and not care that another person is around ... I just feel tense, and on edge. I don't think its anything they're doing wrong. I think it is me. (and I wonder if I can improve my experience through therapy and meditation)
One of my best friends might say "it's common for autistic people to feel ..." as a way of letting me know that I'm not alone in this experience.
Another one of my best friends might say "You feel that way because you're autistic."
My other best friend likely wouldn't say much at all, except perhaps to give me some comfort for the fact that I'm feeling stressed about a thing.
Personally, I don't agree with the view that "You are [x way] because of [diagnosis]". I don't agree with that view when it comes to autism, and I have some resistance to it with things like depression, anxiety, ocd, too.
(sidenote: I have no resistance to it in an acute sense. Like "I'm having suicidal thoughts because I'm feeling depressed" or "I'm extremely anxious so I'm worrying about every little thing". Getting into this would be a whole 'nother blog post)
My view of it is more that "I am [this way] and a person who is [this way] is often described as [that thing]."
Typically I don't think of the THING as the cause, but merely as a label for a category of people.
So bringing this back around to where I started.
I don't like the phrase "person with autism." I'm quite sure other people will feel differently. I have a strong suspicion that many people with very high support needs feel like it is an affliction, not just a different way of being. I suspect many parents and family members view autism as an affliction, especially when their child has high support needs.
It's complicated, and I respect there are different views on this. I don't personally like the phrase. But I'm not really mad at the use of it, because switching to "autistic person" is probably going to rub other people the wrong way. Speaking in public sometimes is just a lose-lose situation, so whatever, it's not something I want to hold against anybody, regardless my feelings about the phrase.
But I personally prefer "autistic person" over "person with autism". I think in a lot of situations, especially for those of us with moderate to low support needs, the label is generally not even needed, and we can just be a "person" or a "person" [sic].
"autistic person" feels like it sees me as a whole, though. "person with autism" feels like it separates who I am from this externality which is autism. But (assuming I'm autistic), I am not separate from the autism. All of it is just me. The words like autistic or depressed or anxious or even obsessive-compulsive are not describing externalities. They're describing parts of me, aspects of me.
What lesson should you take from this?
Perhaps that Reed (that's me!) doesn't like it when they (I) are reduced to a label.
I'm not sure there are any broad lessons to take away from this. Maybe there are.
Sidenote: The Pitt is an amazing TV show & Mel (who's probably autistic) is amazing and I love her she's my favorite.
Sidenote 2: Is there a word for this type of love I feel for Mel? It's not romantic. It's not platonic. It's a sort of adoration? Perhaps the type of love you would feel for your god. Love probably isn't really the right word. I don't know. Apparently German has different words for different kinds of love. Like "Ich liebe diche" is for romantic love, my Bestie tells me (she just moved to Germany). On a scale from 1-10, how autistic is this sidenote? LOL
Sidenote 3: I would like to join the Church of Lina Khan, for I too love her, and she can be my god. But I do not think there is a church for her. I don't expect she's autistic. She's just an amazing regulator and public speaker and i love her. I don't think she created the universe, though. I think she would have done a better job lol.