on suicidality
“i’m thinking of ending things” a triumph in disguise | 🐱nyaforg's🍵abode🐸
sure, at a first glance the subject matter certainly is concerning but at the same time it made me feel seen.
Suicide is an odd topic, because for people like me, who live with chronic mental illness, it is a frequent visitor.
you don't want it there, but there it is and there's no use in being scared of it when it's with you every minute of every day.
For me, and for many of my friends, it's just a part of life. Those pesky little thoughts that tell me to kill myself. Rare but occasional flashes through my mind of how I might do it. Rare urges to act on those thoughts, in which case I physically move away from the vision (such as a passing car).
These suicidal thoughts are not alarming, but i don't share them with most people, especially not my family members. I talk to my besties about this shit and other friends.
There were periods for me that suicidal ideation was scary - particularly the first quarter of this year. I was in a really deep depression then.
But most the time, they're just annoying. Like bro, get out of my head, stop telling me to kill myself - I clearly don't want to!
I do tell my doctor and my therapist about them. And they're better when my overall mental is better. But they still just come out of nowhere sometimes when I'm doing quite well.