productivity ep 3
The last one was called panic ep 2. Today's didn't involve panic, but it did exhaust me, and it did cause some symptomatic behavior to surface.
Today's productivity wasn't an intentional time block like the last two. I meditated, then blogged about it, then got myself motivated.
I got new books from the library - I had started another romance-fantasy The Foxglove King. It's far better than a Court of Thorns & Roses (a terrible book), but it's still not my style. So I got new books.
I went by the bank, and had to drop some old kitty meds at the pharmacy for disposal. I dropped of donations at a local thrift store and then shopped a little - I bought two large sheets to use as blackout curtains (I'd been using 4 different blankets, and now I have a much nicer setup).
And then I went to the hospital to get some blood drawn (testing me for celiac's. It's not emergent, the hospital just has labs).
I noticed it while I was there. The sensory sensitivity as she wrapped the rubber band around my upper arm, and my t-shirt was underneath. Also, a need arose to just kind of be bopping my head, a sort of stim. I'm not sure if the bright light was causing a sensory issue, but it being dimmed just sounded nice. My social function was still operational, but it felt like it was fading.
And then after I was just so exhausted. I put my new sheets in the wash & had dinner, and a fairly typical evening of playing games (Slay The Spire 2. About to play some Trackmania.)
My mom is home now, and she was talking to me, and I just noticed my social ability was kind of vacant. There's a distinct feeling when it's gone. And, like, I'm not entirely unable to speak. There's just ... something kind of missing. Some speaking will come naturally, but then other times I'll just blank and have nothing to say, even though I know I'm supposed to say something.
It hasn't been bad. I don't mind any of these experiences. They're not panic or severe anxiety. But they are, like, part of me ... shutting down.
The exhaustion I don't like so much. But I rested. Its fine.
All-in-all my outing today was about 2.5 hours, I think? And it was ... very low effort, most of the stuff I did.
Unrelated: I'm out of nutritional yeast & I don't have more LINK (food money) for 3 more days. I like it a lot on my popcorn. So I'm going to just have to have sad popcorn for snack time tonight.