social obsession
I obsess over social interactions that I've had, and ones that I anticipate.
I replay it over and over in my head, what was said, what else I could have said, what I'm going to say.
I don't do it on purpose; it feels like it is happening to me. I actively resist, using a great deal of mental effort, only to have these thoughts flood over me again ... and again ... and again.
When I'm full-focused on something (such as a roguelike with interesting decisions to make), this chatter goes away.
Disengaging is hard on me, because the chatter fills me with anxiety, stresses me out.
My awareness of this chatter has improved lately - I'm better able to identify when it's happening than I used to be AND I'm able to identify when the mental chatter is a social obsession (as opposed to obsessing about code or a trackmania map) - and I'm working on it. I'm practicing letting it go. I'm hoping it will get better.
I miss engaging in important things - Pride meetings, various forms of advocacy, and journalism. But as things stand now, a single 5 minute interaction will plague me for several days if it's not a comfy one. I need to learn how to heal from that. Maybe once I do, I'll have the space to engage again.
For now, I keep it to a minimum, and I focus on healing and quality of life.