talking race is uncomfy
Playing Rocket League, partied up with a couple strangers, one of them says something about how we left racism in the 1800s.
I'm immediately uncomfortable.
I need to say something.
I can't just let them say racism is done.
I'm just trying to play my game.
I don't want to make this tense.
I don't want to have a confrontation.
"For the record, there's still tons of racism in 2025" i say.
We finish the game in silence.
They were chatty before that.
It was uncomfortable. I don't always have the capacity for dealing with that discomfort.
Jennifer Harvey writes about the importance of discussing white discomfort, and how we have a tendency to shove that discomfort down.
I shouldn't be complaining about this, you might say. Racism is a bigger problem. My feelings don't matter, you might think.
But they do matter. Yes, you and I should stand up against racism when we can. But also, the discomfort we feel when we do also matters. Alienating yourself from your friend group or family or workplace or community matters. It's a sacrifice. It's real, and it is a consequence of white supremacy and of racism.
It should be acknowledged. We (friends, white people) should support each other in it. And when we have the capacity to, we should suffer the discomfort in order to be anti-racist, no matter how small the act is.
Back to my feelings, because I managed to gloss over them in talking about how our discomfort matters.
I was having fun, chilling, enjoying myself. And then I was uncomfy, I got hot and worked up and wasn't having a very good time any more. And that sucks.
It doesn't suck as much as [insert racist thing], but it does suck. I'll do it again though.